I’m a little busy here and thus a little behind on writing the Moz 101 series. This week should have been about the economy, but it’s a little research intensive and it takes time I don’t have. So tune back next week to find out how exactly most people here make money (surprise! They don’t).
Until then, I’m just posting some stuff I edited out from the Government posts several weeks ago. Consider this the DVD extras of deleted scenes, or like your microwaved leftover meatloaf, or the good-looking produce on the top of the grocery aisle so you can’t see that the rest of the produce underneath is not super shiny and tasty, but just mediocre.
…But people don’t like the government just because it’s largely stupid. They don’t like it because Mozambique is the land of a billion rumors. I’ve heard that people don’t like president for these reasons: the president eats turkey every night for dinner, he sold Mozambique Island and kept all the money, he is outlawing cassava, he has a house in America and travels there once per week (presumably with the money he got from selling Mozambique Island), he’s secretly a muslim (he and Obama go to the same mosque) and he has two limousines which is crazy because he can only drive one at a time.
At the same time that they express their distaste for the government, they also revere their first president, Samora Machel, and place him slightly below God on the list of people they worship. I imagine it’s a little like all the hubbub surrounding George Washington back when America was starting up. Remember, that Mozambique has been independent for over 40 years and peaceful for about 20, so it’s a relatively new country. But while all the remains of George Washington today was he chopped down a cherry tree, said “I pity the fool that lie!” and carved wooden teeth out of the aforementioned cherry tree. I don’t have proof, but I think early Americans probably had stories about GW like he stood as tall as two men, he ripped a guys heart out with his teeth during the French Indian War, and spat in the face of Gen. Cornwallis.
But still, I find the level of rumors about the first president of Mozambique to be a little nauseating. Granted, the truth is a little blurred he by nature that rumors are much more interesting than fact. Which is fine, but people then MAKE the rumors fact. I’ve had three different people point out 4 different houses that the current President of Mozambique was raised in.
The two stories I hear all the time about President Machel both have to do with America (go figure). The first story is about how, despite not having more than a 5th grade education, he was the smartest man in the world. He proved this by going to the United Nations after making himself the President of Mozambique. The kids tell me (and not 8 year old kids for bed time stories, but kids in high school) that when he was at the United Nations he was the only person able to communicate with all 450 countries there because he knew 450 different languages, whereas most the other Presidents can only talk with about 30-40. I don’t have the heart to tell them that the United Nations uses translators. I also don’t have the heart to tell them that there aren’t anywhere near 450 countries in the world.
The second story is about how the day after Samora Machel was made president he flew to America. The kids say he was going there to meet the first president of America (boy, was he out of luck). When he was there he was refused entry because he refused to surrender his sidearm. After he convinced the guards that he was an honorable gentleman (historically debatable) he came inside to meet the president of America. The American president was both extremely racist and scared of getting AIDS that he wore a glove to shake Samora Machel’s hand. Machel was so offended that he ripped the glove and, in President Machel’s own words, “Greeted him hand to hand, man to man.” And that’s the story of how in June 1975 the President of Mozambique became the first black man to enter the White House.
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