Giving Thanks with Our Crazy Family

I have two crazy families. One is back in Seattle and I was thrilled and overjoyed to wake up in the middle of the night and Skype with them for a little bit as they were all together to celebrate Thanksgiving.

The other family is crazy too, and they number as almost fifty of the best kids you can find in Mozambique. I mean that very sincerely and tell them that quite often. We also, like any family, have a healthy amount of, hmmm, how should I put this...

...friction?

Even the best of families get under one another's skin every once in a while. Its just a part of being human. And no matter how well the wheels are spinning, there's just something magical about the holidays and everybody getting together that just seems to suck all the grease right out of those bearings. In truth, there's no such thing as Thanksgiving here because there is no commemoration of the Pilgrims fleeing England and arriving on the shores of Mozambique and giving thanks to God while sharing a meal with the Indians. That never happened. Because we're in Africa. Not Massachusetts. Still, I thought it'd be fun to do a little something for thanksgiving by having the kids thank each other.

After breakfast I gave each of the kids a note card and asked them to write the name of somebody they wanted to thank and the reason why they wanted to thank or recognize them. They stressed that they didn't have to recognize or acknowledge only something that a person did for you directly, but it could be things that people do that benefited another person or even everybody in general. I also stressed that we were not voting for anybody, we just wanted to take some time to thank people.

After everybody sat around for about five minutes thinking of things (during which I encouraged people to be more aware when folks are helping and being selfless if it takes five minutes to find just one example) they actually wrote some really nice things about one another. Most of the things were actions not benefiting the writer directly. They were things like helping in the kitchen during the weeks that I was sick and the rest of the staff were in Zimbabwe, or how certain kids had taken an extra effort to help with construction, or kids that have been helping the younger students learn to read and prepare for exams at the end of the year, or people showing up early at church to help clean and prepare it for Sunday services. I'd say close to 75% were incidences of people doing things to help in general around the orphanage and with the day-to-day of life. I told the kids I was really happy hearing all the things they had to say.

Then, because the kids should know the nice thing others see in them, I gave all the cards to their respective kids so they could have them and know that the things they do are known and appreciated. The kids that got cards were really happy to receive them and read them.

The kids that didn't get cards? Not so happy.

While all of the kids filled out a card, the ones that got noticed were only about ten kids or so, with each receiving multiple thanks. Those kids all rightly deserved the nice things said about them. The problem is, there are also a lot more kids that do nice things and deserved to get a card and just plain didn't. I made a point of going to the six or eight kids I though really deserved a card but didn't get one to tell them how thankful I was for specific things they do, even if they didn't get a card. The problem is there are only about five kids who are completely selfish and don't deserve cards. That means about twenty kids got left out in the cold.

This was the scene I noticed at lunch. A kid finishes his food, stands up to walk his plate up to the counter and put it in the pan to be washed. The kid passes another who has also finished eating and motions to the one walking to take the plate with him the way. The one walking says to the one sitting, “Why should I bother taking your plate if you're not going to vote for me? Take it yourself.”

Ummm...

Later, a kid asking to borrow the cup of another to go get a glass of water. The one with the cup says, “And when was the last time you lent me your cup? Only if you promise to write a card to me next time.”

We might...

A kid carrying a bucket of water to go use in the construction of the girls dormitory asks another to help him carry it. The other responds, “No way! I work in the construction too and nobody ever thanked ME for it.”

...have...

A kid is pulling clothes in from the line and the wind picks up and blows a shirt off the line. As the shirt rolls like a tumbleweed it passes a kid playing in the shade. The one taking down clothes shouts, “Hey, quick. Grab my shirt fast.” The child in the shade doesn't even look up and drolls, “I helped you clean the bathroom yesterday when it wasn't my turn and you can't even vote for me with your card.”

...a problem.

Little did I know that a fun activity meant to thank and encourage folks was going to turn into a day of envy and folks that were not thanked were taking it out on their fellow kids here by flat-out refusing to help so they could spite people. Thankfully by dinner, most of the angst had worked itself out and people were back to their normal, helpful self. I made sure to explain that night at Bible study that the activity was not meant for “voting” the winner or most helpful, nor to discourage people from helping, only to thank and recognize people well deserving of it. I also tried to bandage the wound a little bit and tell them they all help a lot and, if it wouldn't take two days, I'd write a card thanking each of them.

But still, I kind of liked the activity, and the kids that got cards sure loved it, so maybe we'll try this again in a month or so and let kids write an unlimited number of cards and hope that nobody's feelings get hurt at the end of the day.

As for us, our dysfunctional family here is back to its old, normal, non-spiteful, crazy self. For that, I am very thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.