Putting the "zany" in Tanzanian

Thanks those that sent birthday wishes. Around here I usually just do something for Thanksgiving/my birthday and tell people I have my own national holiday back in America. This year it involved me and a few boys cooking 18 pounds (dry) of rice, grilling 12 chickens on the wheelbarrow grill, making 35 pounds of french fries, serving up 48 pops, and 3 gallons of ice cream. It was a splendid day indeed.

On to more recent stories, this is one that happened almost half a year ago, but I was reminded of it only recently. Victor's old car had been dying a slow death for the better part of a year. (It has since been replaced.) One of the major problems was a failing transmission. The other problem was it being the only automatic transmission of that model for several thousand nautical miles (it was a Japanese car).

The only guy Victor trusts to work on his transmission is a Tanzanian man that we'll call Bob. Bob has spent so long in Mozambique, but grew up in Tanzania and his first language is Swahili. Bob likes to bring his friends to work. By friends, I mean consultants for when he gets stuck on a part he can't put together right.

Working on cars is also a lot different that in America, principally in that the mechanic always comes to you, instead of you going to his garage. Well, he almost always comes to you, but does so if you want to be sure he isn't stripping your car for parts when you're not looking. And thus Bob came out to the orphanage nearly every day that week, each day with a different friend, trying to put Victor's transmission back together.

Now on about the fourth day of this it had been a particularly long and testy day, and it was about three hours after it had gone dark. I was tired from having to mind the mechanics all day. Bob was mad because after he finally got it all put back together I made him take it apart again because there were several bolts left over. Bob's friend did not take kindly to me as I kept sneaking up behind him and putting out his cigarettes. We were not exactly getting along.

Then things hit the boiling point. Whenever Bob needed to talk to his friend (also Tanzanian) they'd would just speak Swahili. I was perfectly fine with that, because I didn't see any sense in the two of them communicating in a language that was not their own. I did have a problem with it when I heard the only two words in Swahili that I understand: white-man, and money. There was also some pretty aggressive gestures and pointing in my direction.

At that point I jumped in, speaking our common language of Portuguese and telling them that the work on the car has nothing to do with me nor is it my money so it won't do any good asking for it. At that, they just put down their tools and just looked at each other stunned.

They wrapped up their work in mostly silence and then when home for the night. When they came back the next morning to continue work on the car, Bob demanded to meet with Victor first. After that meeting, I went up to Victor to ask what their meeting was about. Victor, laughingly, told me that Bob and his friend refuse to work while I was around claiming that I knew everything they were saying.

Un/Fortunately for Bob, I didn't have a clue most of the time, and within no time was the car patched up and Bob on his way, never to have to deal with me again.

In Which TJ Builds His Vocabulary

As I think I've mentioned before, there are several words that have crept into the vocabulary here that are almost beyond comprehension. Part of it is a result of globalism and the wide reach of English-spoken pop culture. One example of this was the car I saw this week that had "100% Lil Wayne" detailed on the side. Never mind that somebody just wrote a completely incomprehensible phrase on their mid 90's Honda Civic, all people see are Lil Wayne as probably the third most famous American next to Obama and Justin Beeber. And one of those isn't even American. And depending on who you talk to, the other isn't either.

There are many more examples of where the English language has been masterfully butchered, but unfortunately for some reason all the examples I have are horribly inappropriate for a site that my mother reads (not to mention my grandmothers). So perhaps I'll save those stories for some time when I'm really sad and dejected and just don't care about these updates anymore.

Pictures!!!

You want it, we got it. Just to give you a few snapshots of what life has been like up to this point. Whenever we go somewhere, its usually piling in the back of the truck and hitting the road. I've found that it doesn't matter if I'm riding or driving, I usually attract attention. If I'm riding, I usually get shouts of "Ihali" meaning 'how are you' or "ihali, macunya" which means 'how are you, white person". If I'm driving the truck there are usually atleast 5 or 6boys in the back. Usually we're out getting supplies, which only requires 3 people to do. The other 2 or three boys are to beat people off the truck because people jump on thinking that I'm hiring workers for the day.

Here's a shot of Victor in the back of the truck with us. As much business as there is needing to be tended to, I think he likes to passear (joy-ride) just as much as everybody else here. The other feet and passengers you see are when a group from South Carolina came out for 10 days about two weeks ago.


Here I am in my element. My portuguese is rough around the edges, but I'm fluent in math, science and physics. They were all shocked to learn I like math and even more shocked when I said "I would help them with their homework" that I didn't mean "I'll do it for you". The school system here works basically on attrition. How long can you fake your way through while actually learning enough to pass your exams at the end of the year. If you're not good enough you pay bribes, get somebody else to take it for you, etc. Some of their teachers are also horrible, and I am pointing out errors in their notes constantly. I'm also fairly certain that if I walked into any classroom and said I was an engineer from America, they'd just leave and let me teach. I might try it someday.

I just thought this was humorous. Christina had some cereal she gave to me the first few days to help me adjust. For those that can't read it says "Quad'z: The Bombastic Taste Experience". In other funny news, one of the first things I learned to say in Portuguese was "eu tenho Jesu Cristo" (ignore the spelling. I can speak it, not read it) which means "I have Jesus Christ". The reason I learned this was my refusal to shave when I arrived resulted in me getting several salaam alekums from muslims who must have though I was some sort of imaam from the west. I have subsquently reversed my position on shaving.

Here I am digging the septic tank out. Its not uncommon to have about 4 or five people watching you work. It only means that they're standing there taking shifts.

Here is a giant tree outside a lumber yard. This type of tree isn't the kind that is being used for lumber, but what I find funny is just about where the image cuts off at the top is as far as the branches go out.
If you’ve made it this far, please pray for the rampant spreading of sickness going around right now. About fifteen of the 50+ kids here have gotten a cold in the last week and I just joined those numbers today. And think it might be hard to introduce some good ol’ fashioned chicken noodle soup and 7-Up around here.

Breaking Radio Silence

I have made contact with the natives and they have accepted me as one of their own. No, seriously, its been amazing how well I've been fitting in here. I love hanging out with everybody, people love to talk to me, help me learn portuguese and macua, practice english, you name it. There's tons of stuff I want to give you updates on, so hopefully I'll remember most of it. Get ready for an epic post. Unfornunately, no pictures. I tried to upload pictures to a computer my first or second day and the computer wiped them clean, and I don't trust it here much. Maybe I'll find a better way.

Where am I sleeping: I helped finish a bungalow that was being built for me and Felipe, my awesome roommate. We have a "bathroom" and "kitchen". I say that because if we want water, we have to walk across the compound to haul it in. Although, we recently got an oven and stove top, which is great news because now the girls want to come over and cook with it.

What am I eating: This one is very easy to explain. Breakfast is rice porridge. Lunch is xima (pronounced shima) and beans. Xima is basically cornmeal, thats it. Zero nutritional value. Dinner is rice and beans. Sometimes we get extra ingredients in the beans, like carrots, onions, lettuce, potatoes. And you have to eat a huge amount of food just to get enough nutrition out of it to do anything at all. We have a fridge in our "kitchen" but it is being used to stock perishables for everybodies food. For example, I cam back the other day to find it filled top to bottom with heads of lettuce. And for water, I haul it in from across the camp (about 100yds) and boil it.

Are there giant bugs: Yes, but most of them aren't dangerous.

How's the weather: Thank you Al Gore, because everybody says it has been uneasonably cold here. And it's rained 3 times, and half of the people here have never seen a July with rain. It's so bad, because some of the kids (and myself) have been getting sick because it's so cold at night. It has maybe been getting into the mid-70's during the day, but it feels as if I need a sweatshirt or long sleeves sometimes. I'm up with the sun at 5am everyday, and the sun sets around 5:30pm, and I'm usually asleep by 9.

What's it like in Nampula: If Mozambique was America, Nampula would be like Dodge City. There are dirt raods everywhere, there's a run on the bank everyday, and if you want the police, you have to drive to the station, pick them up, and bring them back to where you are. The orphanage is right on the edge of the African bush. There road in front of the orphanage will take you all the way to South Africa, but it becomes impassible after about 200 yds. The new road to South Africa is built just a little ways over and isn't much better in spots. Supplies are available if they're available, and there's no telling when you'll get any in more. For intance, we ran out of propane the other day, and it took 5 days before we found a place with propane. The main roads in the city are paved and only a normal to slightly pothole-y in places. As soon as you get of the 5 or 6 main roads, then you're driving down streets filled with markets that are barely wide enough for 1 car to get through. And when you're driving you need to watch out for motorbikes (more to come on that). The people up here in Nampula all speak Portuguese and Macua. As soon as you get out into the bush, all people speak is only Macua.

How are the people: What can I say, they love me! There's about 50 kids here, and we get to do tons of fun stuff here. The older boys are the ones I hang around with most. They're the best at english and when there are supplies to do work with they are the ones working. I like a few of the older girls too because they don't know english, so I am getting good at speaking portuguese.

What is the culture like: Its not that weird, or maybe at least to me. There are a few quirks, like greetings, handshakes, paying, but I've gotten around those now. It was weird the first few days here at the orfonato, everywhere I went, people were following me around with a chair because apparently in macua culture people you respect always need a place to sit if they want one. And like the first few days they wouldn't let me do any work. AT ALL. And whenever we had to go somewhere, everybody piles on the back of a flatbed pickup, and everybody,even this old guy who must have been at least 50 (which is ancient in these parts) insists that I sit in the cab. We went out to get firewood the other day, we drove into the country about 30 minutes. These old crazy ladies that only speak macua were berating everybody for letting me carry wood and then yelling at the driver for not letting me drive away. Its very confusing to other people to see a "macuna", or white person, eating with the kids or shoveling cement or digging ditches. But by now, everybody here has finally put me on the same level as themselves.

What have I done so far: Well...
7/11 Arrived in Nampule, finally (see earlier post)
7/12 Went to church, and then drove with Victor in the truck to pick up a village. The orphanage has a big truck that it uses to raise money (the long-term goal to being self sustaining). We went and picked up a group of about 30 from a remote area and took them to another remote area. After that, I met with Victor and his accountability group. It was AMAZING. Nampula is fairly flatt, but everywhere, as far as the eye can see are these mountains unlike anything I've seen. So we climbed one and spent the whole evening praying. Daylight here (it's winter) is from about 5am to 5 pm. Very weird, especially coming from the longest days of the year in Seattle.

7/13 I was driving with Victor and he "hit" a guy on a motorbike. The guys brushed into us and was trying to hit a payday by taking Victor to court or whatever. So when we took him to the hospital to check him out, he insisted on filing a police report. At which point (this guy is too stupid to be true) the police find out he doesn't have a license (a VERY big deal here) and he gets in major trouble. Meanwhile, while Victor and the boy are in the hospital dealing with the police, the kid's dad comes and starts chewing out Visado (a guy that was with us). That lasted for about 15 seconds until I stepped out of the truck and the dad never said another word. Most people in east Africa are fairly short, which makes me about 6 inches taller than your average Mozambiquan. Combine that with being built like and an ox means that when I'm in the market, or walking down the street, people move for me.

7/13-7/17 I put the finishing touches on our bungalow, including tiling the kitchen, painting, and putting in a light.
7/20 I got to drive for the first time. Between not hitting any people, vendors, bikes, or goats, I did OK.
7/21 I drove about 10 kids in the truck to the hospital. They were getting checkups or malaria treatment or something. There's a private clinic that was literally 30 minutes on a one-lane dirt road through hardcore bush. It was awesome driving.

7/22 A few of the kids found out I like math. So ever since then I've been helping them with math, physics, and chemistry. There's a chalkboard in the dining hall I've been using and have been busy ever since.

7/25-7/26 Victor, and I went out to Maritane, a Congolese refugee camp for two days of some good ole fashioned big-tent revival! Literally, is was just what you'd think, except the music was awesome. The refugee camp deserves a whole post on its own, but in a nutshell, it's about 8 years old, is a UN refugee camp, it used to be about 8,000 people but is now closer to 4,000. The people all speak swahili, so we had a translator for most things. But the congolese music is awesome (the music in moz. is pretty sweet too, but not like this). The people are free to leave whenever they want, but the first obstacle they have to clear is that the camp is 40km (~25miles) from the nearest person. Its out on the edge of nowhere.

What will I be doing next: Ever since the kids found out I love math, I've been tutoring kids grades 9+ in math, chemistry, and physics. It's been going really great, and is actually how I'm learning the language the fastest. When I first arrived, all the kids just started a 2 week break from school, so it was really nice because they were around all the time. Now, school has started and because there aren't enough schools or teachers, kids either have class in the morning (6-11am), afternoon (11-4pm) or evening (4-10pm). I've spent about 4 hours a day tutoring, and have discovered that nobody has even a basic understanding of algebra (their teachers are horrible, classes are 60 people, and grades/tests are based on either bribes or if the student will sleep with the teacher). So later in the week for probably a couple of weeks we're gonna have algebra boot camp for everybody because of the close to 18 kids I've tutored, only 1 understands it.
Also, most of my attention has been on tutoring/teaching (which I've found I love) because we've run out of money for construction. Bank of America decided to stop doing international money transfers, so we are temporarily without construction money.

So, that is not even the tip of the iceberg. I'll try to get into town a little more often (maybe 1x or 2x a week) to update, but stuff is so cool here and I work too hard to give myself an afternoon or day off to do it.